The Cleanest Mouth in the Practice

My best friend has been told by his hygienist on several occasions that he has "the cleanest mouth in the practice". He wears this moniker with pride. Frankly, if my dentist and / or hygienist ever said anything nice about my mouth I'd have T-shirts made quoting them and would distribute these T-shirts in Times Square for free.

What constitutes the evening tooth-care ritual for The Cleanest Mouth in the Practice, you might ask? Well, last night I was privy to a behind-the-scenes look at the nighttime ritual of said Cleanest Mouth and I would like to share a few of the enlightening and tooth-whitening tips I learned:

Step One: tongue scraping (it invigorates one's tongue and purges it of germs)

Step Two: flossing (Cleanest Mouth recommends Oral B's Superfloss and, I must say, after sampling a pre-measured piece myself, I agree!)

Step Three: (my personal fave) washing out mouth with homemade mouth wash! How impressive! Recipe as follows:

1 part hydrogen peroxide

2 tablespoons baking soda

5 parts filtered water

dash salt

shake well

Step Four: mechanical toothbrushing with organic toothpaste

Step Five: brushing with conventional toothbrush with baking soda (Cleanest Mouth particularly recommends this step after one has consumed copious amounts of sugar)

And there you have it, folks! Steps for success from the Cleanest Mouth in the Practice. May we all strive to emulate the dedication and care and focus of Cleanest Mouth in the hopes that one day we, too, can have our hygienists say something, anything complimentary about us!

Rainy days and Wednesdays and some snow on the way getting you down? Remedies here!

Whenever the weather turns unforgiving, I sit down and make a little list of all those things that I think make life worth living. Old standards are things like sunshine, foie gras, family, tulips and pickles. I'm sure it's different for everyone but part of the reason I decided to start this blog is that I hope that The Merdjanoff Report can, in some small way, bring us all a little closer and remind us that our differences keep life interesting. And so, to that end, here are a few of my favorite things (in no particular order except that the most important and cutest one is first) and I encourage you all to share your faves, too:

my husband, Barbra Streisand, New York City, tiramisu, Edith Piaf, Christian Louboutin shoes, Christmas trees, The Catherine Tate Show, Fawlty Towers, Absolutely Fabulous, my best friend, lighthouses, Miss Piggy, my Nespresso Citiz machine, Super Tuscans, Eloise, prosciutto, cheese (in general), Betsey Johnson sample sales, watching football, Central Park, Maria Callas, Saks Fifth Avenue, the Yankees, Creme de la Mer, the 2000 Year Old Man, scallops, oysters, lobster, vanille kipferl, rum balls, the beach, the ocean and the stars.

And if you have an extra three minutes and thirty-one seconds and could use a laugh, have a watch / listen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmnLRVWgnXU

and / or (this one clocks in at five minutes, fifty-two seconds):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEhF-7suDsM

So what exactly is a "frankenpine"?

Well, my friends, a frankenpine is a cell phone tower that has been camouflaged or disguised in some way to look like a pine tree. Exhibit A:

But Frankenpine is also a fantastic band that I saw recently at the Japoly Theatre in Brooklyn! Exhibit B:

What kind of music do they play, you ask? Well, it's kinda country (but not your Mama's country) and kinda indie (but not like early 1990's indie) and kinda rock and kinda bluegrass but generally just a great live show that'll make you tap your feet and bop your head and wonder how five people could possibly play so many instruments so well and sound so great.

Have a look at their website, listen to their songs, see 'em while you can: next stop, Lakeside Lounge on Thursday, February 4th - I'll see you there!

Was it the hat?

On occasion I wear a purple fedora with a tilted brim. The occasion usually being during a winter month on a day when it's not too windy - like yesterday. It's a rather adorable little chapeau, if I do say so myself; so much so that people often stop me on the street to tell me how much they like my hat. "Thank you," I usually reply, "it's Italian!" to which they usually reply, "Of course!"

Whilst sporting said purple hat, I was in Barnes & Noble last night with my best friend, my sister and her girlfriend. As we bounced around the DVD section, making oh-so-pithy comments on movies we enjoy and remarking upon the exciting revelation that with the current Barnes & Noble offering of "Buy 2, Get the 3rd Free!" we could purchase The Way We Were AND Love Actually and get Sixteen Candles FOR FREE when a young lady approached me.

"Can I ask you something?" she said.

"Of course," I replied, assuming she was going to ask about my purple hat.

"Have you ever had a reading?"

"Um, no," I responded rather sheepishly, wind knocked out of my sails and more-than slightly taken aback by her unexpected question.

"Because I think you have a very interesting aura..."

"Oh, why, thank you," I replied.

"and if you're ever interested in having a reading, I'd love to do one for you."

And with that, she handed me a slip of paper and said good-bye. Her calling card reads:

PSYCHIC

Tarot Card Readings

by Bella

She has intervisions to see all & tell

all if you want to know more about

yourself call this gifted psychic.

One visit will amaze you.

She will tell you your most deepest

secrets such as love, health,

marriage, business & success.

In the wake of her departure, the response of my companions was one of perplexed curiosity without a consensus as to whether or not I should venture to see Bella on West 106th Street.

The jury is still out so stay tuned for the outcome. I may just take Bella up on her offer and pay her a visit - without my purple hat.

TURANDOT!

I don't think there is any other experience that even approaches what it's like to spend an evening at the Metropolitan Opera. Name another place on this planet where for TWENTY-TWO FIFTY (I had to spell it out because it's so gosh-darn unbelievable!) you can go see live singers hit rafter-shaking high C's, listen to a full orchestra play Puccini for three hours and witness one mind-blowing set and eye-poppin' costume after another?!?!?! Even walking up those lavish, ruby-carpeted staircases, taking your seat and gazing in wonder as the Swarovski crystal chandeliers get sucked up into the ceiling before the curtain parts is worth TWENTY-TWO FIFTY! Have a glass of champers at intermission and feel like million bucks - wowzers.

Two words: Nessun. Dorma.

A moment of silence (or not-so silence) for the world greatest tenor performing one of the world's greatest arias (and, no, he wasn't there on Wednesday night) - enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOfC9LfR3PI&feature=related

Thanks to my companion for making the evening truly memorable - in a totally platonic kinda way :)